I’m not as strong as I may lead myself on to be.
Yes, I know this update is long overdue. A quick recap on what has been going on:
- I had major surgery.
- I (briefly) let him back into my life.
- I moved out of my parents’ house.
So, yes, a lot has been going on. However, there’s no excuse for neglecting my feelings. I should continue to acknowledge them through writing. Right now, it’s my best outlet.
Moving on: I’d like to keep this blog regularly updated. Weekly posts, maybe? Perhaps. More importantly, though, I just need to continue expressing how I feel through writing.
He texted me on the first day of the New Year. Apologetic, he pleaded for my forgiveness. His words, as meaningless as they are, flustered me.
Beep, one text makes its way to my cellular device:
“Hey, please don’t be upset.”
What ensues are excuses masked by meaningless words delivered as texts to my cellular device.
How can his texts make me feel a combination of sadness, anger, and longing all at once?
Yes, I do miss him. Yes, I still do have feelings for him. But no, I will not accept you back into my life. You’re not deserving of me.
Still moving on. Still done with you.
2014 is almost done, and you’re about to take the spotlight. What do you have in store for me and the rest of the world’s inhabitants?
Looking forward to getting to know you better, 2015.
Dating can be hard for anyone, but put yourself in my shoes.
As a woman of transgender experience, dating has definitely not been easy for me for a number of reasons.
If you happen to stumble upon this post, please don’t hesitate to answer the following question:
What is/has been/continues to be the most frustrating aspect of dating for you? The most rewarding?
Again, please don’t hesitate to share your thoughts. Pretty please, with lots of sweet sugar on top!
Though I’ve seen much better days, I can truly say I’m feeling pretty damn good.
I think what really helped was spending time with my brother. He’s so silly and I can’t help but laugh when I’m around him. And as they say, laughter is the best medicine, right?
I’m going to actively pursue forgetting you! That’s right, you, the dude that actively pursued me. We were flirting with temptation, and now I’ve ended up in a world of hurt.
And it’s all because of you.
But, I must take responsibility for my actions too, for I chose to be vulnerable with you.
Sometimes, an apology is all I desire. Other times, it’s your physical touch. In another world, this could have been true.
I’m trying to be all profound and shit, but what I want you to know is that I really did like you.
I don’t like you as a person now, and I’m usually not one to give a fuck about respectability politics, but I really hope the truth sets you free.
I keep going back and forth with you, but I’m done this time. No more talking about you, no more thinking about you, no more you in my life.
Done with you.